All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
