So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize