I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
