Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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