wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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