Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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