Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize