I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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