that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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