And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
