So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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