Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
