i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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