P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
