Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
