I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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