I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
