Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize