My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I would ride that face into the sunset
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm bleeding and have questions
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
