i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
