how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
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I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
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The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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