Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
