I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
The struggles of a small town man whore
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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