Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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