i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
We had sex on a dog bed..
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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