the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
