Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
