I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
