you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
