He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
