this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
These tits shall not be calmed
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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