and next time when you feel me up, do it right
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
