What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
