To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
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Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
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I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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