I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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