so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize