Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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