Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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