I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
