He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
