it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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