She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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