I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
