well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
