OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Randomize