You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
