Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
