You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
