Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
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