he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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