"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
