All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Randomize
