i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
