Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
