those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
