Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
