There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I stole a fireplace last night.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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