We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
