Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.