Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
These 19 People Had Awkward Celebrity Sex Dreams
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.