It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.