I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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