I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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