i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
