I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
